Dogs on the Isle: The Deeds of Diago (Play Report)

  

The following is an excerpt from the Deeds of the Diago as he imagines they will be told by the people of Castille. Factual inaccuracies may be attributed to Diago’s sick fantasies.

 

Legend has cast a deep shadow over the history of this brave hero, to such an extent that his very existence has been questioned; there is, however, no reason to doubt his exploits. History paints him as a freebooter, an unprincipled adventurer, and a greedy grave robber. This description is accurate.

 

…

 

At the age of fifteen, Diago was chased from his homeland by a mob of angry cattle herders. He made his way to Ruislip and joined a band of merry reavers, a lively but wretched bunch. Ivan, Daithi, Vaast, Foot 2Man, Llwd, Odela, Osric, and Oddbjørn were their names. The lack of coin weighed heavily on their souls.

 

So the band left the village of Killucan for the city of Blulach. There was some talk of druids, but none of it concerned Diago. He had his mind set on the coins waiting for him in Blulach. On its way north, the war band came across a river with stone men sitting on its bed. An offer of water appeased the miserable creatures and so they posed an obstacle no more. 

 

In Blulach, Diago was disappointed to learn that his new family was looking for work and gambling to fill their pockets. 
Deeming these efforts foolish, Diago boasted, “I WILL CRACK OPEN THE MAUSOLEUM OF LORD GLAS’ BELOVED MOTHER AND LEAVE NOTHING BUT BONES!”

 

Then Diago set a fire near the grave to serve as a little distraction and swiftly moved to enter the deceased lady’s resting place. He swiped what he could and placed a single candle on the sarcophagus to condole the dead noble for her financial losses. A moment later, Diago was making his way to the gates, his pockets filled with 500 silver pieces worth of spoils.

 

The next morning, he rejoined his party only to learn that they had lost their silvers gambling and that Osric had been thrown into the dungeons. Another 60 silvers were lost to free the delinquent from hard labor, and the band set out again.

 

In Killucan, the party talked itself into bringing the sad boy Ultan to meet with the stone men. But this endeavor turned out to be idiotic, as the band was ambushed by a horde of gruesome oremen on the way. They fled, eager not to be skinned by the Fomorians.

 

... 

 

And so Diago was forced to return to Blulach again where more graves would wait for him. 

 

 

Diago if he made it to an old age.