1 Weekend, 7 Sessions, 18 players, 15 modules, 115 Rooms - The Tower of Collage (Super Adventure 4)

SUPER ADVENTURE 4: 
MEGADUNGEON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE EDITION 
- THE TOWER OF COLLAGE VAN HAUSEN 

I am writing this after running the Super Adventure over the last days. It's probably not the most focused post I ever wrote. If you think I forgot something, shoot me a message and I will address it.

Players are still writing play reports. I will link them here as they come in.

Play Reports:

•  Glower the Mage (oldskolgr)

 

Making Adventures Super 

There is this new tradition on the Purple OSR server, a.k.a. Gay Beholder server: Super Adventures. They are in part inspired by the old FLAILSNAILS games on google+ where people would take their characters from various campaigns to other games. Nbateman ran the first Super Adventure in January 2026; Mr. Mann ran the second one in February (he doesn't have a post on it as far as I know, but the one on arcade gaming provides some context), and oldhawkeyes ran the third one in April. They were all different (I only played in the second and third one) but shared a common attitude of anything goes, keep things moving, and make it big. Accurate conversions or adhering strictly to all rules and procedures isn't expected or needed; it's all about the spectacle. Characters from all kinds of systems show up and do wild stuff.

So when I volunteered to run the next one, I wanted to go big. Mr. Mann had already run two different runs for his Super Adventure, and oldhawkeyes planned his as a two-parter. Naturally, I chose to run something insane so people wouldn't forget my name so soon. 

Here is the map; it should give you an impression of the madness:

 

Yes, these are fifteen modules frankensteined together. Can you identify them all?

Tower of Collage: The Setup

The Tower of Collage is the product of a hack wizard named Collage van Hausen, who never has had an original thought in his life. He conjured a big tower by cutting up all kinds of well-known dungeons and dropped it into the city of Bastion. Then he opened its doors to treasure hunters.

Each team that goes in gets a CVH-branded Totebag of Holding to fill with as much loot as they can. Once they are in, there is a timer ticking down (60 minutes real time). When the time is up, they get teleported out of the dungeon immediately.

There is a high-score board outside the dungeon for the amount of gold looted.

I scheduled 13 sessions of 75 minutes each over the span of a weekend (8-10 May 2026). Players signed up and showed up to play with whatever character they wanted to bring from any campaign or system.

 

The news headlines were meant to generate hype among the players.

Tower of Collage: Making off

Here is what I did and how the tower worked. 

I picked 15 modules I thought were memorable, weird, iconic, or funny and cut out parts from their maps. I was more or less picking parts at random, going for the deeper parts when possible. 

The following modules were cut up in the process:

Magical Murder Mansion, The Bureau, Hole in the Oak, Temple of Elemental Evil, Gradient Descent, Nightwick Abbey, Whiteplume Mountain, Stonehell, Isle of the Plangent Mage, The Isle, Whalgravaak's Warehouse, The Chair, Tomb of Horrors, Anomalous Subsurface Environment, Dungeon of the Mad Mage

I arranged the cut-up geomorphs in an order that would make transitioning from one zone to the next interesting. Entering Gradient Descent and ending in Whiteplume Mountain or going through a part of the Dungeon of the Mad Mage, moving through the entrance of the Tomb of Horrors to end up in ASE was the idea.  

I added some doors, ladders, stairs, and elevators and labeled the entrances so the players could choose a starting point. In the end, I had about 115 keys over 63 pages and 20k words.

 

Arcade Looter Mechanics 

Because I wanted to go all in on videogame-inspired nonsense, I added loot crates:

1-in-6 chance of a golden crate in each previously unopened room. They contain a lot of treasure in an extradimensional pocket.

The contents I generated using various online treasure hoard generators for 5e, Pathfinder, AD&D, Starfinder, and later Wolves Upon the Coast, Classic Traveller, Mothership, GURPS, and some Star Wars RPGs. I did have one hoard for level 30 characters in 4e, but that one was too much, and I nixed it when it came up. There was a list of 12 hoards in my document, and whenever players opened one, they rolled for the entry. Between games I replaced the empty entries. There was also a Daggerheart chest in there as a treat (of course, items that say “spend 2 hope points to redraw from your arcana powers deck” do not excite players, but that was the bit). 

There was a lot of treasure. If you aren't familiar with these, here is an example:

 

Coins	12000 gp
Art Objects	Agate Coffer inlaid with Gold (1200 gp) Agate Rod set with Moonstone and Peridot (90 gp) Agateware Tureen painted with Noble Imagery (600 gp) Bloodstone Rod set with Fiery Yellow Corundum (500 gp) Bone Comb engraved with Draconic Scales (160 gp) Bone Orb set with a Rosette of Citrine (70 gp) Bone Rod inlaid with Electrum (90 gp) Brass Ewer engraved with Dwarven Axeheads (80 gp) Brass Mace etched with Arcane Runes (70 gp) Brocade Mantle threaded with Gold (800 gp) Copper Shield Brooch set with Aquamarine and Golden Yellow Topaz (100 gp) Coral Salt Cellar set with Fire Opal (1700 gp) Dragon Horn Medallion inlaid with a Filigree of Platinum (1100 gp) Electrum Bell engraved with Arcane Runes (700 gp) Fine Leather Belt with a Copper Buckle (110 gp) Fine Leather Coat trimmed with Squirrel Fur (1200 gp) Fine Leather Mantle sewn with Copper (90 gp) Fine Leather Mantle trimmed with Sable (1200 gp) Fine Leather Saddle trimmed with Fox Fur (500 gp) Fine Leather Scabbard trimmed with Fox Fur (1200 gp) Ivory Shield Brooch engraved with Arcane Runes (100 gp) Ivory Shield Brooch set with a single Violet Garnet (80 gp) Jasper Bowl inlaid with Ornate Platinum Scrollwork (700 gp) Lacquered Wooden Medallion engraved with Floral Vines (1000 gp) Lacquered Wooden Shield Brooch engraved with a Labyrinth (80 gp) Leather Saddle tooled with Floral Vines (90 gp) Linen Merchant's Cap trimmed with Squirrel Fur (50 gp) Linen Robe trimmed with Squirrel Fur (300 gp) Malachite Salt Cellar set with a Rosette of Golden Yellow Topaz (80 gp) Necklace of Malachite (90 gp) Necklace of Rhodochrosite (120 gp) Obsidian Bowl inlaid with Ornate Electrum Scrollwork (110 gp) Ornate Silver Mirror (900 gp) Pewter Censer set with a Rosette of Citrine (110 gp) Pewter Torc etched with Draconic Runes (90 gp) Porcelain Ewer painted with Mythical Imagery (1000 gp) Porcelain Tile adorned with Platinum and a Dragon in relief (700 gp) Porcelain Tile gilded and painted with Mythical Creatures (500 gp) Portrait (of a male dwarf) in a Wooden Frame engraved with Arcane Runes (130 gp) Portrait (of a female gnome explorer) in an Ivory Frame inlaid with a Filigree of Electrum (600 gp) Rosewood Puzzle Box inlaid with Silver (10 gp) Scroll of Calligraphy (110 gp) Silk Merchant's Cap trimmed with Genette (1000 gp) Steel Dagger inlaid with a Filigree of Gold (50 gp) Stoneware Plate painted with Mythical Creatures (1600 gp) Stoneware Tile painted with Garden Imagery (130 gp) Velvet Tabard threaded with Electrum (800 gp) Wooden Bowl engraved with Arcane Runes (110 gp) Total value = 22200 gp
Magic Items	Arcane Scroll (Explosive Runes (375 gp), Sleet Storm (375 gp)) (total 750 gp) Buckler (Medium) (+3 shield, Arrow Catching) (16165 gp) Full Plate (Medium) (+5 armor, Greater Fire Resistance) (92650 gp) Ring of Protection (+2) (8000 gp) (design provides clue to function) Rod of Flame Extinguishing (15000 gp) (Opposite effect or target curse) Rod of Wonder (12000 gp) (inscription provides clue to function) Staff of Defense (18 of 50 charges) (inscription provides clue to function) (20970 gp) Wand of Delay Poison (50 of 50 charges) (4500 gp) Total value = 170035 gp

 

Random Encounters from the Multiverse 

Every dungeon needs random encounters. I made a table with 10 entries I expected the players to find funny. The stats I wrote up (or copied) without careful consideration for system or format.

1. 100 Cops from the NYPD (each AC 9, 1HD, Gun 1d6, Morale 5)

2. St. Nicolas wants pcs to share the treasure with orphans (AC 1, 7 HD, 2x Attack with fists 2d8 each or Summon 12 Reindeers, Morale 10)

3. 2d8 Orcs with portable holes. Will drop them to the floor and hide in them to ambush (AC 7, 1 HD, 1x Attack with Axe, Morale 6)

4. Marvel‘s Avengers. Iron Man (AC 0, 4 HD, flies, Attacks 2 x 2d8 lasers) Captain America (AC 5, 4 HD, Indestructible shield, Attacks: punch 1d8 or 1d10 shield throw) The Hulk (AC 9, 6 HD, angry punches 4d10) Thor (AC 5, 6 HD, Attacks: Mjölnir 1d10+6 or lightning bolt 8d6)

5. Volo from the Forgotten Realms. He is really into eugenics and social darwinism. He is looking for his nemesis, Henri Bergson.

6. 9 Wolves upon a Rollercoaster. One is building the track as they roll. Real Cartoon shit. They crash through walls looking for a good time (AC as plate, 9 HD, Special Attack: Save against Petrification or be run over and flattened. Flattened PCs are blown away by the wind.)

7. A gay beholder (rainbow colored) on the hunt for CHUDS (AC 0, 11 HD, Att 1 × bite (2d4), eye rays, SV D6 W7 P8 B8 S10 (11), ML 12, XP 5,100
   Anti-magic ray: The central eye dispels magic up to 60’ in front. Spell casting fails and ongoing spells and magic items are temporarily disabled. Characters within the ray cannot be affected by the rays from the eye stalks (see below). Eye stalks: Each stalk can shoot a magical ray up to once per round. Up to 4 stalks can fire in one direction at a time: a. Charm person, b. Charm monster, c. Sleep, d. Telekinesis, e. Petrify. f. Disintegrate, g. Cause fear, h. Slow, i. Cause serious wounds, j. Death spell.

8. 7 Classless Thieves. Disgruntled because their caste was removed from the compendium of celestial doctrines. If not aggressive they will ask for signatures to petition the cosmic bureaucracy (1 HD, 1d6 Attack, Morale 7)

9. Collage Van Hausen himself (see Halaster statblock)

10. 4 Wizards of the Cross. White gowns, pointy hats, WOTC on the shirt. Will try to convert magic users to become followers of Christ. Magic is evil. (3 HD, 1d8 Sacred Flame, Morale 11)

I have to say I am very proud of the Wolves upon a Rollercoaster and the Orcs in Portable Holes. They were my favorites. The 100 police officers did produce some great moments too.

 

Dungeon Mastery in the Tower of Collage

We often talk about what kind of challenge-based play we like in our OSR games. Figuring out how the space works can be done in many kinds of niches within the playstyle. For this dungeon I wanted to make “module knowledge” a factor too. Usually this isn't possible because you would spoil yourself, but here players were encouraged to use their knowledge of Tomb of Horrors or know how to recognize a 5e one to make smart decisions. And of course they could figure out how to get the most chests too. 

 

 

this was another hype lore drop

 

How did it go?

This was probably one of my favorite things I have done in this hobby ever! 

Out of 13 sessions, 7 had enough players, which was more or less what I expected. The sessions we had were wild and full of memorable moments. The players were engaged, especially those who returned for multiple runs. Yeah, it was exhausting as a GM, but having excited players show up every session was enough to keep me going. And to be honest I would have run all 13 games if people had wanted me to.

 

The final score board after 7 sessions. The honorable oldhawkeyes won.

 

There were a total of 18 players who played and even more characters. I can't remember all the systems, campaigns, and characters, but there were PCs from OD&D, Land of Eem, 5e, Esoteric Enterprises, Star Marauders, B/X, The Realm of Yolmi, Longshot City, Troika, Swyvers, Mausritter, Cairn, Delta Green, HMS Apollyon, Bunnies & Burrows, and Classic Traveller, as well as some I probably forgot about. There was at least one player who had never played an OSR before and some who hadn't played in quite some time.

They carried out over 4 million gp worth of treasure. Some characters entered as level 2 and left as level 9 with too many magic items to carry. 

What about conversions and rulings?

As NBateman, oldhawkeyes and Mr. Mann pointed out to me, it's easy; just roll with the punches, and go with the flow. My players were super helpful, and I was prepared to walk things back when needed. There is no need for balance or perfect conversions in a Super Adventure. Let the OD&D fighter roll 5d6 if they fire a laser rifle from Traveller. Don't be afraid; just rule it, and go for the spectacular.

 

this was the last of the lore drops

What I learned from running a Super Adventure

Events like these can turn a server of yappers into a community. I don't think we are there yet, but I am also very new to this server that has thousands of members but a core group of only about 30-50 active users who actually play there. My own first game as a player on the server was the fairly recent Super Adventure 2; it was what got me hyped to try to play with these people. 

And yes, only 19 of the thousands played in this Super Adventure, but the way it connected various campaigns from the last 10 years is truly special. Getting to see what people have been up to in their home groups, old servers, one-shots, etc. gave me a view of what this hobby truly is, beyond rulebooks, kickstarters, and commodities. 

 

Here is a link to the duplicate of our tldraw where you can see the remnants of 7 runs into the TOWER OF COLLAGE.

 

 

The Crypt of St. Cumarin: Berta Bon Beretta to the resuce - Delve #5 (Play Report)

This is a play report for a megadungeon run by my friend bue. I have been told that it contains material from Dyson's Delve. FMC Basic is our framework of choice.

Switching to a collaborative platform for mapping may have been a mistake. Our gm has been shitposting on the map all session...

With Kurt Krieger and Schwerthelm still unaccounted for, Korbinian and Bill Batmann asked former guard Berta Bon Beretta for help. 

They commenced their rescue effort by searching for another path down to the level things had gone to shit last week.

The party made its way to the 3rd level by passing through level 2 and finally a hall of pillars where corpses of batfolk were hanged, supposedly the work of their bigger cousins.

Rows of burial niches filled with glittering objects greeted them, but they had no time to spare. Their comrades were still somewhere, possibly dead.

A trail of blood led them east.

Suddenly, 6 firebugs came scuttling along, so Berta, Bill, and Korbinian hid in a niche.

The band of bugs passed them by and turned a corner.

And then there were noises and flames lighting up the catacomb tunnels. 

The insects had encountered someone else, a pair of Widerling ghouls.

The rescue team remained calm and waited for the 2 camps of creatures to finish their battle.

Some of the bugs retreated, and the party seized the opportunity to get rid of the ghastly people eaters, as they were badly hurt by the bugs.

As they searched for their comrades, they found the skeleton of a reptilian humanoid with obsidian claws and a tail, but neither Kurt nor Schwerthelm was anywhere to be seen.

Thus Berta followed the trail of blood and discovered a hidden door leading to a circular burial chamber.

Kurt Krieger and Schwerthelm were still alive!

Although Kurt had lost two fingers to the Widerlings.

Korbinian discovered a spell scroll on the sarcophagus and another after Berta Bon Beretta opened the sarcophagus. 

Of course Berta unsealed the coffin from a safe distance, as she expected it to be trapped.

And indeed it was.

A big flash of an explosion went off the second she pulled away the stone lid with rope and a hook.

The first spell was Samsa's Dream (turn a creature into a big bug), and the second one was The Story of the Pied Piper of Hamelin (control rats).

So the party returned home, excited to return next week, for there were many glittering things they had no time to pilfer! 

The Crypt of St. Cumarin: Kurt gets everyone killed - Delve #4 (Play Report)

This is a play report for a megadungeon run by my friend bue. I have been told that it contains material from Dyson's Delve. FMC Basic is our framework of choice.

Remember when I told you how Kurt became a legendary warrior? Well, maybe there was a bit of wishful thinking involved with that. I don't even know if he is still alive.

almost 3 rooms and a tpk. what a beautiful game.

After last week's reasonable haul, the party returned. Korbinian was in need of more coin to continue his research, and Kurt was eager to put his shiny plate armor to the test. The party consisted of Kurt Krieger, Korbinian the Wise, Bill Batmann (friend of K&K), Schwerthelm (sword for hire), and Margarethe the Pearl (expert for hire).

We did the usual. We climbed the hill and entered the caves. There was a little hiccup with a fire beetle, but it turned out not to care for us. So we returned to the cavern of the Widerling and searched its lair, where we discovered nothing but bones and rotten flesh.  

At least we found a way deeper into the dungeon. The spiral staircase descended into a cavern filled with loose rocks. As we tried to make our way across it, rocks started falling. Fortunately, all were able to cross without being bludgeoned to death. 

But then we heard the noise. A buzzing sound approached from the north. The insect was as thick as an arm with a hairy carapace and four wings. And then there was its stinger, which was reminiscent of a scorpion's weapon of choice. It tried to pierce Kurt's armor but only damaged his shield. Kurt stuck his dagger into the vermin's carapace and slammed it onto its back. Margarethe and Bill Batmann finished it off while Korbinian and Schwerthelm nodded with approval.

The beast slain, we crawled forth and came upon a cave filled with corpses. As we poked them, they came alive. Korbinian only shouted, “Kill them with fire!” And so we did. Bill Batmann threw a flask of oil, and Margarethe lit it with her torch.

The reasonable choice would be to return another time when the fire has burnt down, we reasoned. But there was the cavern of falling rocks. What about that? Kurt, known for his cleverness, had noticed that the falling of rocks must be caused by noise, so he shouted as loud as he could, hoping to once and for all clear the path.

The path was not cleared; the cave-in blocked it. Schwerthelm panicked, and the party was scattered. Margarethe was killed in the darkness of the dungeon. Kurt and Schwerthelm dropped unconscious somewhere. Korbinian somehow found a group of batfolk who helped him find his way out. Bill Batmann? He reappeared on the surface, badly hurt but carrying a wondrous magical gambeson.

Will Kurt and Schwerthelm be saved? Will the party find a way back to level 3?

Tune in next week! 

The Crypt of St. Cumarin: Finally rich? - Delve #3 (Play Report)

This is a play report for a megadungeon run by my friend bue. I have been told that it contains material from Dyson's Delve. FMC Basic is our framework of choice.

 

 

This one was a quick and easy go-in-and-grab-shit affair.

We, that is, Korbinian, Schwerthelm, Bill Batmann, and Kurt, returned to the Crypt of St. Cumarin.

The skies shed tears of joy during our ascent, for they knew our fate. 

Soaked to the skin, we entered the caves that were once the home of our newest comrade.

Down the spiral stairs we went; at the bottom the sweet stench of death greeted us. 

Large rat carcasses marked with ambiguous bite marks were the source. 

They did not hold any coins. 

We left them be; they were doomed to meet the ferryman penniless. 

A fork in the subterranean path presented itself.

Sounds of rodent conversation echoed from the south and north we went.

The cave grew tall, and the ceiling was lost in darkness.

"Curious!" Kurt exclaimed. 

Korbinian had already spotted two tomes.

"De Re Coquinaria! Volume I and II!" he read aloud.

He did not finish his thought, or he would have explained to Kurt that this was the realm's oldest cookbooks.

A humanoid with eyes, teeth, and claws as yellow as dandelions dropped from the darkness. 

The feral Widerling was clad in robes and glittering jewellery.

Korbinian contemplated diplomacy, but the cave dweller chose violence, the true universal language. 

With luck and determination, the fiend was felled.

Its inheritance was left for us.

But before we had a chance to pack our bags, a wave of squeaking beasts stormed into the cavern.

Only when we realized that they were merely passing through did we breathe again.

We returned to town with two culinary tomes (each seven hundred silver shillings), two gold rings (each two hundred silver shillings), a lapis lazuli talisman (eight hundred shillings), and a ceremonial key on a gold chain (one thousand and two hundred silver shillings).

A total of three thousand and eight hundred silver shillings we earned that day.

Korbinian spent his share to research a fear curse.

Bill Batmann sought out a trainer to learn the trade of a true soldier.

Kurt bought a plate armor and spent his time recruiting.

Thus Margarethe the Pearl, an expert climber and sailor, joined the band.

The Second Coming of Chi-Sooze: SUPER ADVENTURE 3 PART I - Bottomless (Play Report)

This is a play report for oldhawkeye's SUPER ADVENTURE III PART I - Bottomless. I played a 5th edition D&D 7th level Celestial Warlock called Luzius Fax. Luzius originally was from a Curse of Strahd campaign ran by bue back in the dark days. In retrospect he was one of the most insufferable pieces of OC I ever created. But he was a fun pick for a Delta Green Scenario flailsnails type situation.

 

The following is an excerpt from Luzius golden prayer book:

 

Oh, Father, Lord of Birth and Renewal, hallowed be Thy light.

 

Oh, Bringer of Eternal Dawn, you sent me to the realm of Earth to face my biggest challenge.

 

I have vanquished the wicked, and light has prevailed.

 

I came to the frozen land of Kolor Ado, where the mad lords of the kingdom of Oohessay had made a pact with the fiends of the far realms; they were selling their people to the followers of Orcus.

 

I joined forces with an old cleric of Kelemvor, The Great Guide, Lord of the Crystal Spire, Judge of the Damned. His name was Brother Shimur.

Shimur captured one of the abyssal agents and questioned them while I went to tend to the poor and sick of Kolor Ado.

For there were many ill and ailing in this land ruled by greed and avarice.

 

Meanwhile, Lux Lumina, my celestial companion, snuck into the keep of the corrupted.

She returned with news of victims being enthralled by demonic sorcery.

May the rose-gold flame of the radiant Lord bring light to this dark realm.

 

My deeds did not go unnoticed by the people of Oohessay.

They sent messages through their network of ley lines speaking of the return of an Illmater avatar called Chi-Sooze.

Their minds were clouded by the lies of Cyric, for they did not realize that it was the Patron of Eternal Youth that had sent his son to protect them.

 

It dawned on me that I had to show them the clear way of beauty’s reign myself.

Only sacred fire would bring the new morning of rejuvenation to these people.

 

And so, a band of heroes joined up with the Kelemvorite and the Lathanderite:

Sahajim, a Triton warrior from the Elemental Plane of Water, took on the role of captain.

Lantry, a master in the Tel’Quessir art of Elven bladesinging.

Leo Highwind, a mighty hero of giant strength, presumably from the city of Calimport.

10-K, a liberated undead slave from the lands of Thay and a master alchemist.

Angishu Fishbiter, a soldier from the land of Unther, possibly a prince of the dynasty of Gilgeam.

Li Xiao, a sage with a Kara-Turian name who learned at the oohessayian Candlekeep.

 

Though the forces of darkness were numerous and strong, the beacon of dawn had been lit.

The innocent of Kolor Ado flocked to the Garrison of Garson, where the abyssal forces had gathered.

Thousands of pilgrims chanted for the unbreaking of the circle and called to the soldiers to lay down their arms.

But the fiends did not, and they answered the prayers with fire.

 

It was the day the local people called Istair on which Chi-Sooze had been slain.

 

As I saw the guiltless burn, so did the flame of radiant justice erupt from within me.

And so the people of Kolor Ado in the realm of Oohessay saw that the Morninglord would never abandon them.

Golden rays of radiance rained from the skies; the wicked were scorched.

And from death, divine life arose.

 

Then the adversaries brought out an apparatus like the one built by Kwalish in a last effort of defense.

But its missile did not break Lathander’s shield.

The virtuous remained unscathed.

 

And as all can be forgiven, the apparatus was absolved and gifted with life.

 

Oh, but the wicked warlocks of the mad ogre king were cunning.

They summoned the dragons of the air force and ordered them to melt the land of Kolor Ado.

 

I knew the light of the rose-gold dawn would not let the new children of Lathander perish.

All would be reborn at dawn.

 

My comrades had located the Nautiloid used by the forces of darkness.

The path was clear, and we sailed through the phlogiston to the Far Realms.

Evil would be defeated.

 

I swore an oath to let all who dwell in the dark feel your holy dawn, oh Morninglord.

 

The people of Earth saw in me the Kolor Ado Chi-Sooze because they could not look into the sun directly.

But I have sown the seeds, and they will find the path to you, Morninglord, Commander of Creativity, Inspiration’s Dawn, the Rose-and-Gold God, Bringer of Dawn, Lord of Birth and Renewal, Patron to Spring and Eternal Youth, Mentor of Self-Perfection, Amauntor, Lord Lathander.

 

There is always another dawn.

The Crypt of St. Cumarin: The Rise of Bill Batmann - Delve #2 (Play Report)

This is a play report for a megadungeon run by my friend bue. I have been told that it contains material from Dyson's Delve. FMC Basic is our framework of choice.

A protocol transcribed by the dreamer of Kurt's life. Abrupt changes in style, inconsistencies, or complaints about tangents are to be addressed to the Lord of Morphine.

Goodbye, sun. Shine all you want, oh burning orb in the skies. The only shine I care for is the one found deep beneath. I look to my buddy Korbinian as I lift my pack. I signal with a nod that I am ready, and he, the ever-vigilant mage that he is, only returns a smirk, while the hired swords Münze and Schwerthelm prepare torches. 

We return to the cave we left but a week ago; the smell of rot and the taste of earth greet us—home sweet home. Ah, what’s that, a familiar noise? A mixture of noise, squeaking, and chattering, known to us individually but novel as a duet. We move carefully through the mountain’s bowels and approach the source of our aural stimulation. Münze notices the drops of sweat on his left hand, how they reflect the flickering light of his torch, and he wonders if this is fear. No, this isn’t fear; I am not afraid, he reassures himself. I am tense because I remember the enormous ferrets, and my employer, Kurt, has promised me wealth beyond my wildest dreams. I have yet to see anything. That greedy bastard. 

This might be a death trap. If these ferrets are still here and if they are hungry, we might be just what they are looking for. I love this kind of danger. It makes me feel alive. I am Kurt, the greatest warrior these lands will ever know, I remind myself as I look at the scene before us. A troupe of seven batfolk are wrestling with the three ferrets we observed last week. They are quite capable and don’t seem bothered by the audience. We commend their bravery with a formal applause. I offer them my knife, hoping to gain their friendship. Oh, what a brute I am! Korbinian only shakes his head; the cave dwellers do not hunt these beasts for sustenance, no, their aim is domestication. I apologize profoundly for my ignorance and gain the attention of one of them. 

Warrior? You help, the little one articulates in broken trade speech. He reminds us, big! big problem!, and we agree to lend our arms to their cause. The earthworm listening in to our conversation only shakes its faceless head; it disapproves of violence. What does it know? It’s only a figment of my imagination. Begone, worm. 

Our new friend leads the willing band of would-be heroes towards where they have traded mushrooms with his kin. Three fire beetles chitter with aggressive joy when they hear about this. The three skitter and race each other, fighting for the right to lead the ambush. The winner sprays a salvo of fire. Münze burns, learning true fear. Schwerthelm remains steadfast but hurt. Korbinian recites one of his metalogical verses and blinds one of the insects. Kurt throws his magical dagger but misses again and again. Korbinian, Schwerthelm, and our guide do not. They squish the pests. 

The display of bravery by our batfolk accomplice does not go unnoticed, and we bequeath him Münze's old sword, which he fashions into an improvised glaive of an impressive quality. Münze had a wife, children, and a mistress who all depended on him. How will they survive? Do we owe them compensation? Korbinian reflects on this while I claim the dead man's chain shirt for myself. 

Our hireling lies dead, and our new friend has earned himself a nom de guerre. Henceforth he will be called Bill Batmann. Life moves on, and so do we. 

I have only known Bill for one session but I love him like a son. 

The two guards are happy to see us again but unwilling to join us. Still, we manage to convince them to stand guard as we approach the problem. We observe bat noises of different pitches and an open fire as well as two smaller batfolk, occupied with menial tasks. Through the use of hand signs, I try to signal to them that we are here to liberate them and try to encourage them to rise against their tormentors. This prompts them to run towards us. Their captors do not hesitate and give chase. We retreat with a plan to use the door as a choke point, holding it shut as good as we can. Thump, thump, thump, the adversary’s fist bangs against the door. And then we pull it open just as another hit would have landed. Caught on the wrong foot, the large batfolk squints, visibly uncertain where to swing its mace. We strike, and I miss again and again. My comrades do not, and the beast falls, Bill Batmann gutting it like a fish. We hug the wall, knowing that this was not a lone foe. 

A second hulking figure appears in the doorframe, and we strike again. My dagger does not find its target. Bill Batmann gets struck and hits the ground. Thirst for vengeance has never been more justified; the giant is slain. 

And as if the gods heard our pleas, Bill Batmann still breathes, though he will need treatment by a proper barber surgeon. 

We decide to look beyond the chamber where the beasts resided, before retreating to town, and find their squalid quarters. A locked chest sits in it and mocks us with its weight. Tears in my eyes, fearing for the life of Bill, I take the great axe I have given to Schwerthelm and ready myself to smash it open. Fortunately, my comrade Korbinian is a man who can keep his calm. Without much effort he produces a key he has found by inspecting the table in the same room. He might think Kurt is acting strange. Since when does he care for anything but silver? Schwerthelm definitely seems a little irritated by the warrior’s impulsiveness. 

Eventually, the chest is opened, and a large cave truffle worth 500 silver pieces is revealed. 

The party hastens back to town, carrying Bill Batmann all the way. A shady surgeon is paid a handsome sum to care for the wounded bat hero. Korbinian convinces Kurt to pitch in for a little widow's fund for Münze's wife. Kurt orders a chain mail to be made for Bill Batmann. 

And thus the legend of Bill Batmann begins.

 

An updated map of what we call the Batlands.

 

The Crypt of St. Cumarin - Delve #1 (Play Report)

This is the first play report for a megadungeon my friend bue is running for us. I have been told that it contains material from Dyson's Delve.  

The following are the notes of a bard who was present when Kurt the Warrior spoke to some youths at the local inn. 

This is a map Kurt drew on a napkin.

Listen, lads. 

Everyone has got to start somewhere. Your old uncle Kurt did too. 

Maybe thirty years ago my buddy Korbinian, who became the legendary wizard you all heard of, and I entered the crypt of Saint Cumarin for the first time. The crypt was supposed to lie beneath some ruins on a little hill. 

We had hired two soulless swords called Schwerthelm and Münze and done the necessary preparations in town. One rumor particularly piqued our interest. Apparently there were alternative entrances along the side of the hill. Hoping that there was less competition, we opted to search for those.

We found it with ease after circling the sides of the hill. A natural cave entrance led us into the depths. 

Now you might expect me to tell you that we encountered a dragon and its hoard inside. But I must disappoint you young listeners. Treasure hunting is slow and tedious work. And it is generally far less exciting than the stories you hear from some romantic poets.  

The cave was dirty. There were bones of what looked to be a giant rodent. From the north and the south, we heard squeaking sounds. 

We gripped our axes and approached the tunnel with less squeaking but quickly turned around when we set our eyes on a trio of gigantic ferrets devouring large rats. The beasts were too occupied to notice our skulking around. 

The tunnel to the north provided an equally unwelcoming situation. Twelve large rats were pressing against the north wall, visibly panicked. They seemed to consider an aggressive reaction to our appearance. Korbinian the wise wove a spell to prevent an escalation and employed a technique I always found disagreeable: empathy. Unfortunately, the magical understanding only reinforced our impression that we needed to leave them be. And so we did.

There was a third tunnel that forked twice but finally led us into a part that resembled human architecture. Rectangular tunnels had always been my favored terrain. 

We turned east and encountered a room occupied by two small, bat-like humanoids. They were concerned with a spiral staircase leading up. You might expect that these were vampiric demon beasts, but they were not. I remind you again, dear listeners, that this is not some fantastic bard's tale. The opposite was true! 

We conversed with these cave dwellers for quite some time. Or tried to, but we were unable to grasp the larger meaning of their explanations. Something to do with “them,” “big,” and “problem.” Although they did tell us that, “Shiny? Deeper!” We parted on friendly terms after Korbinian offered them some garlic and received a handful of rare mushrooms (worth 20 sp) from them. 

Towards the west, we found another spiral staircase. The squeaking noises from above made us turn away from it. Also remember, the batfolk had told us that the “shinies” were below.

South of this room we found our first tomb. There was a large mosaic of a saintly man with fish eyes feeding rats we believed to represent St. Cumarin. To our great disappointment, the sarcophagus was empty except for a corpse in rags. Korbinian had the idea to look for hidden switches within the mosaic, but we were without success. 

Continuing southwards, we stumbled upon another tomb, a smaller one. But this one had a corpse with a dagger sticking out of it inside. Finally, something I remember myself exclaiming in the moment. I carefully extended my hand to grip the dagger's hilt and pull it out. You know what happened then, kids? The corpse twitched and grabbed my wrist. But we were quick on our feet, and through combined force we laid the undead to rest. 

With the shiny dagger (magical, +1, returns when thrown), we retreated to return another day. You see even legends begin small. I'll tell you more about our exploits next week.